The 508 -- Fin: Are you f%#king kidding me?!?

Since I’m a “bitch” with “nothing more important in my life” who “doesn’t know what it’s like to have a back injury” I figure I can say whatever the hell I want about this particular cycling experience.  It will be long.  So reader beware.

I had a great leg 1 and fantastic leg 3 (see videos), but then the plug was pulled on my 508 adventure. 

Leg 1 

Waiting for the start by the team car.

Bill Walton was at the start line! That guy makes me look small.  I recognized a bunch of faces from the EC.  It was cold and foggy and windy.  Yuck.  Lots of climbing early on.  On the first descent I had the worst speed wobbles ever.  I actually went off the road trying to get control of my bike.  It was terrifying.  The rest of the descent was painfully slow.  At the bottom there was a long flat section with 40+ mph crosswinds.  I quickly realized my cosmic carbones weren’t going to cut it and did a front wheel swap.  Flat flat flat (l’orignal was in her natural habitat) then a long windy climb, where we got rained on.  Legitimate rain.  Yuck.  Descend.  Flat flat flat.  A little snafu at the hand-off.  I had to wait for the team, since we had a major pump meltdown. I was super pissed.  I had just humped it only to be told that a few minutes wouldn’t make that much of a difference. WTF?!?  One of the highlights of leg 1 was team Collared Peccary (I have no idea what that is.)  Every time their support crew would ride past they’d give me tones of cow-bell love (appropriate for a cow moose, no?).  They were too cool. It always made me think of this.  Here's the video blog of leg 1.  I don't know why it sounds like I'm lisping.

Leg 2

Although she bonked less than30 miles in to leg 2, “TC508TM” (team cara 508 teammate) managed to finish the 70 mile, rolling leg with only 4 stops.  TC508TMSO (“”””Significant Other) was very good at keeping me calm in the car during all of this.  Between him and TCTMJ I managed to let go of enough anger to have a little nap.  The hand-off was fantastic.

Leg 3

Starting at 5:30pm, 99 miles the first 15 of which are climbing, then a big descent, then a bunch of flat, then the “big” climb of 13 miles of 10-13% then an awesome descent and more flats to the hand-off at the Death Valley Center.  I passed a bunch of people on the way up the first climb (we had lost time during leg 2), but once again I had some major problems on the descent.  Much worse than on the first leg since the insane crosswind was hitting on the exposed, twisty descent.  I literally couldn’t turn or lean my bike into any corners and then almost got thrown off of it when I tried to let it run out on the straighter part.  There was much swearing during all of this.  I was so pissed.  Eventually I turned left and had a wicked tailwind leading up the climb.  Concern arose when I noticed a big electrical storm at the top of the climb.  Yuck.  Right turn and all you can see is a row of red lights leading up the mountain.  I passed about 25 people going up it, even though I only had my 27.  It was fantastic.  I was very apprehensive about the descent and went down like a total pansy but stayed rubber side down and managed to close gaps on people in front of me.  The last 30 miles to the hand-off were amazing.  I was on fire.  I finished the whole leg in 5:09.  Holy shit.  Here’s the vid.

Leg 4

I should have known there was trouble when there was lots of dilly-dallying leading up to the hand-off.  The car has to stay behind you when it’s dark and since it was 11:30pm at this point it was, obviously, dark.  But it was over 10 minutes of je-ne-sais-quois.   Once more I was pissed.  I had just totally humped it and we were in the lead again.  But during this time women came past.  ARGH!  TC508TM takes off and I get in the car.  During my time in the car I was given assurances that she had eaten and slept.  I had said before the start of leg 3 that if she was too tired to do 4 I would do it too (about 71 miles, 45 flat, 15 miles of climbing, 10 mile descent) and then we could resume the order.  But “the crew” said she was good to go.  Fantastic.  I ate and went to sleep. 

I woke up 26 miles later to “are you just stopping to stretch?”  Hmmm.  Ok Cara.  Just stay there and shut up and everything will work out.  She’s done brevets in winter, she calls herself a randonneur, went to training camps in Majorca, wants to qualify for PBP (which I just learned stands for Paris-Brest-Paris).  She can totally ride more than 26 miles.  Jeff comes back and says “I think she’s done.”  $#(%&Y@*537 [085378205320*$%@#)%*@#) I said.  What do you mean? Done!?!

Now, one of the first stories I had heard about Jeff was his infamous (sorry it’s not PC) “Hopping-mad-Indian dance.”  Apparently, during a 24-hour MTB race, his teammates decided they were too sore and tired to continue.  Jeff was so angry he performed the aforementioned dance.  I’ve been making fun of that for years.  But now I understand it.  After being told “done done” I got out of the car, ran away from it, and started screaming and kicking things.  I was so mad.  I decided to try and cool off a bit before addressing the situation.  I went to the car and said, “ok, honesty time, if we go back to the hand-off spot and I do this stage can you pick up on the next one?” (which would be an easy 56 miles).  “I don’t know.”  What the hell?  I don’t know?  “What do you mean ‘I don’t know?’”  “Cara, I don’t think you know what it’s like to have a back injury, I’ve been going to the chiropractor 3x a week.”  Ok.  A) Maybe you should have mentioned a ride-threatening back injury before.  B) I don’t know what it’s like to have a back injury?!?!  ARGH!!! That’s where the normally easy-to-get-along-with Canadian in me disappeared.  

EDITED FOR NICENESS.  If you want to read what was here, email me.

That paragraph was getting too long.  Since there were no assurances that she would be able to ride if we went back to the hand-off and I took over, and since I didn’t want “selfish” added to the “bitch” that I’d already been called, I decided it was better if we just came home.  TC508TMSO drove to Baker and then, around 3:00am I took over and drove us back to HB, hopped up on tones of ridiculously strong coffee.

You know what I did as soon as I got home?  I went for a ride.

Why?  Because my [lack of life with messed up priorities] is…Supèr-Fantastique!